2. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
3. Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.
4. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
5. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
6. The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
7. People are always available for work in the past tense.
8. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
9. Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
10. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor
11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
14. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
15. A woman’s favorite position is CEO.
16. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
17. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
18. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
19. The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
20. I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
21. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
22. I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
23. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
24. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
25. Never quit until you have another job.
26. Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.
27. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don’t work here anymore
28. Pride, commitment, teamwork – words we use to get you to work for free.
29. If at first you don’t succeed – try management.
30. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings – they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
31. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
32. Go the extra mile–It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
33. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
34. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job – with a better company someday.
35. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
36. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
37. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
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